Who is your go-to person? Or go-to people?  

My #1 thing in my life has always been building long-term friendships and relationships. Definitely my family—we’re just incredibly incredibly close. I always go to my parents and my brother. With my friendships, I’m so lucky to have incredible friends that are super creative. This incredible group of women of color who I love to spend time with. And I also have a lot of friends that I met at Nike. Whenever we get together it’s like a creative incubator. 

I go to different people for different things. I think a lot of times we expect everyone to be everything. I think if you do that, you’re setting up people to fail. And I used to do that—I used to do that in romantic relationships and friendships. I wanted people to be everything for me. And what I realized is that I know who to go to for what. And people come to me for specific things. I really let go of that notion that there has to be one person to do everything in your life. It’s just not the case. I’m grateful that I have all these incredibly smart and creative people in my life. They’re all amazing and really helping me figure out who I am.

Are you in a partnership? If so, what is the best part of partnership, what is the worst part? If not, what is the best and worst part of being independent?

I really treat my friendships as partnerships. I prioritize everybody. I think prioritizing the people around you and being consistent in that is incredibly important. And of course myself as well. 

Not at all in a partnership right now. I’m not even dating or anything like that. But I’m really just enjoying where I’m at and cultivating and really putting time and effort into the people that I already have in my life. But I love love. I love seeing people in love. I love watching my friends fall in love. People ask me weird questions like “oh, you don’t want kids and a family cause you’re so successful?” and it’s like whoa, that’s kind of weird for you to say to me. Those are of course things that I’m interested in. If they happen, great. If not, that’s okay too. But I’m definitely a person who absolutely loves love.

How did you feel when we took these photos? How do you feel now?

I think there was a depth that I was missing in those moments. I was still figuring out what my belief systems were. I didn’t necessarily have the self-awareness. Therapy every week helps. Having friends that talk about really hard things helps. Having boundaries and actually talking to people and not being such a people pleaser and really asking for what I want, all these things help. I had to go really deep within myself and that's been a lot of work, really gratifying and really tough. But I think I’m in a really good spot. That doesn’t mean everyday’s, easy cause it’s not, but I feel like a person with a lot more of a backbone and that feels pretty incredible.

What lessons have you learned during these past few pandemic years?

I think the first lesson that I’ve learned from my therapist and close friends is that what I’m feeling matters. My feelings and my emotions are incredibly valid. And instead of running away and doing the super Asian thing of just being like, it’s fine, I need to be in service of others, really looking at what I need and prioritizing that. And that’s something that I work on every single day because it doesn’t come naturally to me.

What is the best advice you've ever received?

My friend said this to me and it resonated with me so much. They kept asking me “what do you really, really want?” And I think a lot of times we don’t go inside of ourselves as much as we should. If you truly want to go out there and be a star and you are like 45 then stop lying to yourself about it and get to doing it—no matter how old you are or where you’re at. But I think being incredibly incredibly honest with yourself is the hardest thing you can do. 

I always say whenever people are like “oh, I had that same idea,” to be honest that’s not the hard part, the hard part’s doing it. I’ve seen people who are way less idea people get way further because they’ll do it. Right now, in our lives, our output is so critical in terms of changing discourse, in terms of shifting culture, in terms of doing what we really want to do and living the lives that we want. You really have to get out and create that idea. It’s that subliminal space in between that separates us from the people that we want to be and the people that we think we can be.

“Right now, in our lives, our output is so critical in terms of changing discourse, in terms of shifting culture, in terms of doing what we really want to do and living the lives that we want. You really have to get out and create that idea. It’s that subliminal space in between that separates us from the people that we want to be and the people that we think we can be.”

What does success look like for you, mean to you?

Success for me looks like filling up my home with love and good food and friendships that are deep and beautiful. I love building community and building a space where people feel celebrated and loved and creative. That’s what’s important to me. I’m definitely a nurturer.

Where do you see yourself at 85?

Looking incredible, an epic outfit and tons of beautiful jewelry. But really, I hope to be in community. I don’t want to lose community and family and friends. And prioritizing those spaces is the same thing as success to me right now. And hopefully at 85, be in love too. Maybe kids, we’ll see. But I think it’s the same thing, it’s community and it’s love and it’s collective care. I think we’ve all really sat in this place of self care and I’m much much more interested in collective care. 

I think children can be legacies, your work can be legacies. There are so many avenues. But I really do think looking at that kind of long term helps us get out of the day-to-day. Because god damn, the day-to-day is hard.

What kind of advice would you give to someone 

• Struggling in their work?

  Write down the things you really like about your work. Write down the things that you don’t like. And then figure out if those are professional or personal reactions. So if you find that in the list of things you don’t like, it’s all interpersonal relationships then that’s something to really examine within your personal space. If it’s truly all the professional stuff that you don’t like, it’s probably time for a shift. If it’s a mixture of the two and the culture of a place isn’t right for you, then that makes sense too. Sit down and be honest with yourself about the things that you need to work on yourself and the things you have to work on at your job. I find that a lot of times it’s something that people are going through emotionally that’s trickling into their lives because work is a place that reveals a lot of our issues and insecurities. Write it down, look at it, and talk to someone else about it too.

• having a hard time giving themselves grace?

  Oh my god, I struggle with this every day. One thing that I really learned is talking back to those emotions. I realized I was so mean to myself and I was my biggest bully. This is something I really learned when I started to be in therapy consecutively. Talk back to those emotions that make you feel insecure or unworthy or unloveable because they’re just not true.

• having a rough patch in their marriage?

  I find that for a lot of my girlfriends who are married, just having them over without their kids or their husbands or just going out to dinner where they can just feel like themselves again, seems to be really helpful. It helps to take yourself out of a situation. Just give yourself a breather. You guys are constantly doing so much, SO much, just handling so many relationships and obligations, so many beautiful pieces of it. But don’t be afraid to take the break that you need in the ways that you need to take them. Whether that’s just a small coffee with a friend or going on a vacation. Take the time you need away from it and that’s not something to feel guilty about. A lot of people feel a lot of guilt for not spending every second with their kids and with their partner.

• wanting to "get there" or "be there" already in their life?

  Enjoy where you are and learn everything you can in that position and that will naturally take you to the next step. Also focus on doing good work versus moving up. If the work is good enough, it always speaks for itself. Prioritize that over moving up because that’ll happen.

• to a younger version of yourself?

  Honestly, prioritize your needs. I think I was always pleasing everyone that I was working with, pleasing everyone I was in relationships with. I just wasn’t prioritizing myself enough. And in return that affected the art and creations that I made because it wasn’t able to go to that next place that I wanted to. Prioritize yourself and what you need and that’ll help every facet of your life.