Jane Tsang
Photography by Ja TecsonThe last time I talked to Jane was over Facetime and I was crying about how hard it was to be a mom and a wife and a daughter and a sister and a friend and a woman who cares about her career and that I didn’t know what to do with all that heavy.
She very gently and calmly listened to me, while my son and friend were at the playground outside of my car door. And I realized in that moment, she, of course, held all of the same titles. And now I was crying to her about things she knows all too well. It made me immediately grateful for other women, and even more grateful for therapists and counselors.
Jane is a seasoned therapist, she’s worked in Ivy League universities, she’s worked in Discipleship Director roles at churches and she’s just recently moved back to the Bay Area to lend her genius to Stanford.
Jane is one of my best friend’s sisters and when I think of women I find extremely influential, who are doing the work, not for credit or for accolades but because they are called to it, Jane comes to mind right away. In the spirit of highlighting those women behind the scenes, it’s an honor to both read and share her story. When you talk to your therapist next, thank them for helping you carry your heavy, while they go back to theirs, as moms, wives, daughters, sisters, friends, and therapists.
Home
〰️
Work
〰️
Love
〰️
Wisdom
〰️
Home 〰️ Work 〰️ Love 〰️ Wisdom 〰️
-
“There is a need for a home to be a personal sanctuary for those who reside there, but for me, I think there is a difference between a house used as a personal retreat vs. a place where others can be welcomed, where you’re inviting others into your private life.”
-
“I first considered becoming a therapist after I graduated from college. I reflected on what my values were, what I seemed to do best or felt most comfortable doing, and it boiled down to being around people and feeling that I might have some capability of stomaching some of people’s most difficult life stories.”
-
“Fostering a community takes a shared vision for something beyond myself.”
-
“Most of the time, the means are more important than the end.”
Home
DO YOU HAVE A DAILY PRACTICE? OR DO YOU HAVE A MORNING RITUAL?Our daily practices are centered around my son. We pretty much enact the same routines every day. If I’m present, I might say a quick prayer or assume a posture of release as I’m woken up by my son or my partner. This usually doesn’t happen. Once we all wash up, I help get my son’s supplies ready for the school day, i.e. a clean cloth mask, socks, warm layers for the early morning. After this I grab some coffee, a quick bite of something, pack (or be handed) my lunch, always prepared by my partner, then head out for my commute.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING IN YOUR HOME AND WHY?My favorite thing in my home is either my son’s white board or our golden Chesterfield sofa. My son’s white board is his favorite toy. He draws sporadically all day. The golden color and form of this sofa just makes me feel happy. We bought the sofa before our son was born, and it’s been perfect for him at each stage of his physical development. I realize as I’m typing these answers how much of our universe is centered around our son.
HOW DO YOU MAKE A HOUSE A HOME?A home is where others can benefit from the sanctuary you’ve created yourself, created with roommates, or created with a family. There is a need for a home to be a personal sanctuary for those who reside there, but for me, I think there is a difference between a house used as a personal retreat vs. a place where others can be welcomed, where you’re inviting others into your private life.
How was it being at home during COVID for you?Covid was incredibly stressful the first month or two of lockdown. My son was of daycare age at that time, so figuring out work between my partner and I along with engaging my child was overwhelming. I had also just started a new job the week before the state of California was on lockdown.
Eventually, hunkering down worked for us. My previous job was quite tumultuous, so the slowing down at home, with nowhere to go, actually helped my partner and I to regroup in a way that I may not have been able to if I had to go into an office for work. Although it took a lot of coordination, we eventually felt more like we were leaning into each other more as partners and parents.
Why and when did LA happen for you? Where were you before and what brought you here?We moved to LA from Boston in 2014 in order to explore what CalArts might mean for my partner who is an artist. We both thought it would be a good experience at that point in his growth. We packed up our little boxy car and drove across the country from Boston to Los Angeles.
Work
What do you do for work and what was your path to get there?I work as a staff clinician (therapist) for Caltech. Therapists can work in many different settings. My setting would be classified as the university counseling center realm. I first considered becoming a therapist after I graduated from college. I reflected on what my values were, what I seemed to do best or felt most comfortable doing, and it boiled down to being around people and feeling that I might have some capability of stomaching some of people’s most difficult life stories.
In terms of my foray into the university counseling center world, having lived in Boston, being involved in the community there, it is an inevitable thing to be connected to students in that city, especially if you volunteer or work in the human services. I worked for a faith-based student leadership development program with Harvard students for a time (non-clinical work), so when the time came to move to Los Angeles, I was fortunate enough to find a place working as a therapist for the team of clinicians at Pepperdine University. I worked in faith-based leadership development of lay counselors at a local church for a time, then connected with the counseling team at Caltech’s Student Wellness Services. Undergraduate and graduate students are a really wonderful cohort with which to work. They are learners by trade, many of them leaving home for the first time, so this is a hugely formative time of their lives. As a therapist, I get to join them at this intersection of actualization. It really is a privilege. Also, I love having the resources and community that a university brings. Being connected to academia is a constant reminder to think empirically and to leave room for growth as a clinician.
Did you have mentors or some sort of guidance along the way?There have been individuals who were more experienced than me, from whom I learned a lot, but I’ve never had a formal, long-term relationship with a mentor where we had intentional meetings for a long period of time. This is the picture I have in my mind when I hear the word “mentor.” Someone more experienced than me once told me that I’m a “woman of my own counsel.” In some ways that made me feel so arrogant and closed-minded, and in some ways I am such a proud person. Haha. However, it WAS such an apt description of me! I’m a huge learner, but I am a proud person. I also keep to myself in many ways. As a generally timid person, I’ve always been an observer of people, for as long as I can remember. I tend to be very slow to speak, especially in new relationships and circumstances. I think I’ve learned a lot by living this way, but I also believe I have a long way to go. I think I’ve found my way in terms of enjoying being a mentor for others (working in leadership development played a huge part in this), and I think I incorporate some leadership development in my practice as a therapist. Once in awhile I do think, “I hope I have a mentor some day.”
Do you love what you do or would you rather be doing something else?I do love what I do, and I don’t think I can imagine doing something else. I think there’s more to life than one’s “job.” Fortunately, I think of what I do as more than just earning a living or being productive. This is a luxury and a privilege because I know not everyone has this. I do wonder about various vocational callings I might have in the future, something more specific to leadership development or industrial and organizational psychology given my experience and enjoyment of leading teams.
How was work preCOVID, during and how is it now?PreCOVID work as a therapist wasn’t very different from what it is now. Existential crises in my clients are different, but this might be a matter of time, the societal age and societal shifts vs. COVID-specific issues. Working for an elite STEM institute brings some uniformity in terms of broad views of public health and regulations, so COVID itself has become more endemic in campus life.
“I first considered becoming a therapist after I graduated from college. I reflected on what my values were, what I seemed to do best or felt most comfortable doing, and it boiled down to being around people and feeling that I might have some capability of stomaching some of people’s most difficult life stories. ”
“The biggest joy in my field is being able to offer hope for clients. The hardest part is also offering hope to clients when the systems around them, whether societal, relational, or bureaucratic add to the barriers that are already internally there.”
What does your average day look like? What are your go-to tools? My average day is filled with people. It starts with my family. My partner and I have a joint digital calendar, where we plot out what our general schedule or commitments might be. I see clients throughout the day; if I have time, I try to run an errand for the family during my lunch break. I have meetings or see more clients. At the end of the workday, I commute home. My most important resources during the day are taking a break of some sort and eating regularly.
Best working style for you? Or how/when are you most productive?I’m probably more productive when I work in the office. I like my own space, and fortunately, being in the counseling world means you have a private room. I like having expectations set forth for work or from my boss but the agency and trust to operate within those parameters.
What is the biggest joy about working in your field? What is the hardest part?The biggest joy in my field is being able to offer hope for clients. The hardest part is also offering hope to clients when the systems around them, whether societal, relational, or bureaucratic add to the barriers that are already internally there.
How do you keep work and life separate? Or can you? I think it is possible to have some separation. In order to have boundaries that are effective, I have to know myself. I have to know my limits; I can’t give what I don’t have. When I know what is expected of me at work, and I work for a reasonable boss, I can navigate the things that are required of me and my own needs. This means being able to communicate honestly and effectively with colleagues and my boss. If I know I can approach my colleagues when I need to set a limit, I can feel freedom to give more than what is required because I know that I can eventually fall back on the limits I have or can set.
As a therapist, there has to be a practice to be able to acknowledge my own limitations on what I can “do for” my clients. There’s professional experience and knowledge that plays into this, but also the emotional and spiritual. With the high risk cases, I pray to acknowledge my limitations after giving everything I have to care for these individuals.
Love
Who is your go-to person? Or go-to people? My partner, Tim, is my go-to person. This question about go-to people is a hard one for me to answer. Perhaps it’s common for us middle-aged folks to have moved a lot at this point in our youngish adult lives. There are the clear benefits to having this experience, dynamic perspectives on community, lifestyles, priorities, regional differences, and yet there are drawbacks such as not being around the friends or family I love. As a result, my go-to people are usually not in the same city as me.
In terms of family, I’m grateful that I am close to my parents and my sisters. My sisters are go-to people for me. They both live in New York City.
The common characteristic of friends that have weathered the storm are friends with whom I’ve endured tremendous suffering alongside and/or have worked through conflict well. I have a good friend in New York from graduate school, my former roommate, who remains to be a person I would ask for prayer.
I have two younger friends in Colorado. I think Tim and I would say our time living in Boston with those two are irreplaceable and perhaps the most valuable lesson of our lives, comparable to becoming parents to our son. Simply life-changing.
I have good friends and community partners in Boston and New York. As I’m responding to these questions in real time, I can now say I have a few good friends who are my go-to in Los Angeles, since I just moved out of LA last week! I’m fortunate to have one good girlfriend in the Bay Area who also recently moved out of LA.
All of these individuals and groups of friends have endured a lot with Tim and me. We’ve often shared the same vision and faith, working towards the same goals. They are my family.
When you think of community, who comes to mind? How did you find or foster your community? When I think of community, I think of the friends and family l listed as my go-to people. All of the people I listed are community leaders as well, so I think of the people and associations attached to each of these individuals and our experiences together. I found community through various roles I’ve held in the past as a student, worker, parent. Some I found through a local church. Some I found through Tim’s partnerships and his own community of artists. Fostering a community takes a shared vision for something beyond myself. If there’s something I’m moving towards that is more than just fulfilling my own needs, although my needs or some of them can be fulfilled, then I have no fear of giving or being vulnerable. This can allow others to participate and lead. My community often involves people who share similar priorities in life.
“The common characteristic of friends that have weathered the storm are friends with whom I’ve endured tremendous suffering alongside and/or have worked through conflict well.”
Wisdom
How did you feel when we took these photos? How do you feel now?Oh boy. I was tired. Haha. I’ve changed a lot since then although they weren’t taken too long ago. Now, I feel grateful.
What is the best advice you've ever received?Ask God for wisdom, and seek it because it’s worth more than gold.
How do you stay present while still planning and looking forward to the future?It’s all about prioritizing. If I’m being wise, and I know my partner and son are my priority, I will put my phone aside to listen or to play a game. It helps that my partner and I are a strong team. We don’t always do this well, but we can mix planning with quality time together because we have similar priorities. There’s less discussion of priorities than what might typically be necessary, so we can get some planning done quickly with a lot of checking in along the way.
Where do you see yourself at 85?With my husband, and he’ll be making art. I’ll just be working at making our house a home.
What kind of advice would you give to someone struggling in their work?What do you believe brings meaning to your life? How did you come to choose your current work? If work is not fulfilling for you, but you don’t have other options, how can you pursue meaning within your work or perhaps more of the seeking purpose will be outside of your work.
having a hard time giving themselves grace?Find something, a belief, a practice outside your feelings and self that can offer grace. We can only depend on individualized self-motivation for so long. We need something beyond ourselves to know that we’re accepted, embraced, forgiven because by nature, we’re relational.
having a rough patch in their marriage?In marriages where abuse is not a factor, if you’re having a rough patch it means it’s real. Fight for it. Don’t wait until the marriage is unsalvageable. At that point, no human can help. We need help in marriages because we’re stuck in a feedback loop of pain. Do what you can to not be alone as a couple in sorting through conflict.
feeling inadequate as a parent?I’d ask, “how do you believe you can best love your child?” Lean into that. We can’t be everything and everyone for our children. There’s no better parent for your child than you. You’re doing a good job.
wanting to "get there" or "be there" already in their life?Most of the time, the means are more important than the end. What is there in your life that you can do better, not more, but better?
to a younger version of yourself?Seek humility.
